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4.05.2006

Lessons Learned from Bob, Doug and Scott

Crossing the Pontchartrain Causeway is not a part of my daily, monthly or even yearly life. This is by design. The bridge is long and narrow and it makes me skittish. But about a year ago, when I was in the market for a good used car, I braved the drive to scout a Honda. I had to take my husband's car, a 1991 Ford Festiva, which is a lot like a clown car in that it can turn circles on itself. Also, it has "parking power," meaning it can fit in the spaces that no one else can. For me, that's the beginning and end of the joys of that automobile. ("Automobile" sounds like an exaggeration.) This is a 1991 Ford Festiva (A much much nicer one than his, which at this point had no remaining exhaust system. It used to set off car alarms just by driving by.) This is the Pontchartrain Causway, one of the longest bridges in the world. People later made endless fun of me for the panic attack that ensued. But as I was puttering along in that soda can on wheels, all I could think about was what would happen if I broke down -- an inevitability in that piece of junk. With no shoulder, I'd be stuck in middle of the road. Barreling down the bridge behind me, a GMC Yukon or some other such monstrosity would drop kick my sorry tin ass into the waters of Lake Pontchartrain. The end of the Festiva. The end of me. As it turns out, these things do in fact happen. And not to the Ford Festivas of the world but to the pickup trucks. Face!! The driver's name is Scott Strauss, and just yesterday he was rear-ended clear off the edge of the bridge. We can be jovial about it because miraculously, he didn't die. I thought the only way to survive such a thing was from the bubbles in beer, but apparantly, if you wait until your car sinks to the bottom and fills with water, the pressure evens out and you can open your car door and swim to safety. (It helps that Pontchartrain is a very shallow lake.) Duly noted. Except really, I'm never driving on that damn bridge again. PS To all three of you Festiva lovers out there, I'm sorry. I'm married to one of you, and I think you're endearing, if a little crazy. Parking power is not to be underestimated, nor is people pointing and laughing at you when you honk your horn.

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